El-Shish-Kabib vows jihad against Lex Luthor

JUNE 17th - El-Shish-Kabib,  professor at Metropolis College and leader of "The Resistance" accused Lexcorp on Al-Zebra TV of funding a war on Metropolis, stating 6/14 was an inside job by Lexcorp to destroy it for rebuilding contracts, and that the blood of thousands are on Luthor's hands.

"Notice how the Lexcorp building was left unscathed during the attacks. it is a conspiracy, Aliens do not exist, the whole thing was a big budget hoax from Lexcorp and the United States for billions in lucrative no-bid rebuilding contracts. The Resistance will not stand for it,  we declare jihad against Lex Luthor, and the Satanic government".

Kabib, 56, activist and part time cab driver, issued his 16-point plan to take down Lexcorp:

1. A long attack on the Lexcorp building.
2. Take over Centennial Park.
3. Seize control of the Daily Planet and the Metropolis Post. 
4. Take over all Lexcorp gas stations in the area
5. Put dog semen in the coffee machines at Starbucks. it's not like white girls never tasted it.
6. Hack General Swanwick's facebook page. haha
7. Pepper spray anyone singing Miley Cyrus songs.
8. Release the world engine. lol, we dont really have one. i just like saying that
9. Lois Lane is not a really good reporter. she's as credible as S.E.Cupp
10. People who have 'ear spacers' really make me sick. why would you do that?
11. i can run faster than Usain Bolt so don't test me.
12. I am not ticklish. i used to be, on my feet mostly, but not anymore.
13. Release Steve Lombard's office sex tape.
14. if you say 'sorrynotsorry" do not follow me on twitter.
15. Lexcorp is an evil corporation. so is waffle house, dont go there either
16. The definition of beauty as defined by the west must be destroyed.